I know I am in trouble, and I know you might not believe what I am about to tell you. But I swear that all of this is true. I could not have got out of trouble by inventing some convenient and completely believable lie, but you know I'm not like that. Okay, maybe you don't know I'm not like that, but it's true. I could have died. I could have been stranded on a galaxy a gazillion light years away from here. Worst of all, I could have been married. Anyway, this is my story.